Being in Love Isn't Enough
Being in love isn’t enough. I am sick and tired of women ignoring themselves. We walk around on eggshells to please men. Men are absolutely comfortable with us minimizing our greatness to be their sidekicks. Let me say it again for the people in the back.
We walk around on eggshells to please men. Men who are absolutely comfortable with us minimizing our greatness to be their sidekicks.
Now before this thing goes any further, I wouldn’t call myself a feminist nor am I anti-feminism. My issue is how women give men all of our power, time and resources without setting aside time for ourselves.
Why are women okay with sacrificing our dreams for other people?
Let’s forget about romantic relationships and talk about our children. I’m no parent, but I see women Black, white, young, and old alike sacrifice themselves to be mothers. Women give up on their educations, big city dreams and ivy league goals to play with dolls and cleanup baby poop. Why, sis?
Sure, this works for some women. Hats off to the Betty Crocker type. I get that with time and responsibility things change, but where do we draw the line? When is enough and enough and we realize how powerful we really are?
Nobody wins when mom plays small. Nobody can flourish when there’s only 1 person in a relationship truly happy.
I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend. I was head over heels in love with our relationship. I mean, I didn’t even really know him at that time (Although you couldn’t tell me nothing and still can’t! HA!). We would spend hours talking, hanging out and just being all coo coo for Cocoa Puffs over each other.
Then he got busy with his business and all of that time went out of the window. In the beginning, I was pissed. I couldn’t understand how anything or anyone brought him more joy than me.
And to this day, it still sorta blows my mind that work is what makes men happy. They won’t sacrifice their work because it brings them self-worth, but we, as women… sacrifice it all by any means necessary.
And for what? Love.
No, it’s more than that. It’s the acceptance and schoolgirl feelings that men bring that causes us to turn from our big girl dreams and start to want to be a wife more than a CEO. Or is it just because society has conditioned us as women to go for the doctor rather than to be the doctor?
Why aren’t there more female attorneys? Doctors? CEOs?
Because we settle for what feels good or brings us small joys without a second thought. It’s a gift and a curse to be a woman.
“Telling me that he loved me just wasn’t enough anymore; and since we’re being honest here… it should have never been.” - Cici B. x The Crimson Kiss
We have the power to shift legacies, but we settle for cute shoes and spa dates. No more settling for me. I can’t play second fiddle to my own dreams anymore.
I can no longer shrink back to please the people or present this perfect image of myself. I struggle too. I cry too. I get so caught up in my relationship that I forget to market the brand. I waste a lot of time looking at our screenshots when I could be working, but that is my choice.
The choice is always yours, sis.
We have the power to build or crush dreams. Maybe you get your mental high from teaching children their ABCs, running track or fixing fancy dinners for your family. Whatever you do, woman, do it with all you’ve got inside of you.
I don’t understand the “stay at home mom” or “trophy wife thing,” but I get wanting someone to come home to at night. Dreaming of little ones that are half you and half your lover. I understand falling in love with your best friend and wanting nothing more than to be with him all day long…
But what I don’t get and do not condone is using all of this as an excuse to quit chasing after your wildest dreams.
Can you imagine being the kid watching your mother attend law school while raising you? Being the husband cheering on his wife during softball? Or being the little girl whose mom is the only woman speaking on career day?
You owe it to yourself to walk in purpose. Nobody will fault you for being your best self. And if they do, then they weren’t truly meant for you.
So now that I’m coming to a close. What will you do knowing that being in love isn't enough?