I went back to my personal trainer because I wasn't happy with the progress that I was making on my own. To be completely honest, I slipped into mild depression after the holidays while I was unemployed and food became an outlet for me. I've always loved to eat, but gaining weight was never a huge issue for me, until recently.
It wasn't the weight that was killing me, it was the helplessness that I felt within my own body. I felt like a fat, ashamed piece of meat. If I'm being honest, I hated seeing myself naked and wanted to get back to who I was before I quit my internship last summer, before I started hanging out within a large group, before I started looking for love in all of the wrong place... I just wanted to feel good about the way that I looked naked again. It has always been my dream to do a nude photo shoot, not for anyone else but for myself.
I was always comfortable with my looks, so when I stopped feeling confident I knew that there was an issue that I needed to check. With most people, it isn't the weight itself that beings shame or sadness, its the guilty feeling of "How did I let myself go?" It's that heart breaking moment when you're trying on your favorite jumpsuit and cry because it doesn't fit anymore. It's the tears that you cry in the H&M fitting room when the largest size doesn't fit so you tell your sister it just wasn't cute.... its the shame that you feel when your skinny friends bounces around in her cropped top and laughs at you in yours. All of these experiences were reasons that I went back to my trainer.
When I first started working out with Gary last summer it was because I wanted to be thin, but then it became a self-fulfillment thrill to make it through intense workouts. Personal training forced me to push myself and sweat in places that I've never imaged, but the power of controlling my food intake spilled over into other areas of my life. I paid off my credit cards and was out of debt, then with less money came more eating. That's the thing that people forget, everything within you is related. We are products of cause and effect.
I say all of this to say that fitness changed my life before and I look forward to it doing the same thing again. This time, I'm never going back. I do it to inspire my mom and sisters who I love more than I could ever recite in a blog post. I want each and every one of us to live long healthy, debt-free lives. I am choosing to create that way within my family and I challenge you to do the same.
Thanks for reading my story and sticking around until the end. Please share your thoughts below. Don't forget to follow me on twitter @thejasminediane!
Peace and love!