I have been messing up for a really long time... sinning and ministering, then crying and sinning and asking for forgiveness again. Now I can finally see that those times made me who God already created me to be. All of my drunk nights and sad times have given me a new perspective on life. I am not perfect or trying to be anymore, but I am striving to make it to heaven with a life poured out.
I was looking at my earlier posts and videos yesterday when it hit me that I have been so focused on fashion that I forgot about God. It's crazy how I treated my blessing aka this blog as an idol without even knowing it. I have been making this blog and my career my idols for a few months now. I have been so distracted with things and people that I almost missed what God has been trying to tell me. It's not about what people think or say, but about how God sees you.
As I spoke with some of my good friends last nigh it dawned on me that many people are falling away from God or doing things that make us question our faith... it's sad, but not irreversible. Starting today I am going to make a conscious effort to live better and acknowledge Christ more. I know that I have been wildin' in college and making a mockery of Christ, that I can admit unfortunately. I can honestly say that in the midst of trying to find myself that I lost God. Somewhere long ago, I stopped believing in grace and only wanted God's favor. I wanted him to bless me, but not bother with my lust and drinking problem. I figured that those things were just who I had become, but now I see that God wants me to be pure and holy just as he is. I wanted his money, but not his rebuke. Pretty much, I wanted the glory without the pain.
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18
Honestly, I cannot say I won't sin again because I am human. I just know that I want to please God. I am thankful for this revelation and wanted to share it with you. So what about you? How is your spiritual walk? What is going on in your life that is pulling you away from God? What idols are you putting before Christ? I have found that in my weakest and darkest moments... God speaks to me the clearest. For a long time, I held onto a relationship that I wanted to work. I wanted the American dream, high school sweethearts to marriage, together forever just like on TV... up until recently, I believed that you should stick it out no matter what. Now I know that to be loved is precious and wonderful. Love does not hurt and you should not "force" someone to love you. So although I am still heart broken and I've made a mess of my life... I can say that I have never felt so free. It feels good knowing that my life is not over because of my sins. My world is not finished because it didn't work out with one guy. I just want to encourage you to value yourself because once you really love and learn yourself, you won't settle in any area of your life.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
I was very vulnerable with this post, but I know that someone else besides myself needed to know that God's love does not stop because we sin. His grace is sufficient and we can always run to him. We are all "hypocrites" and have secret sins, so stop pointing the finger. We can hide it from everyone else, but not God. If you are really struggling with something I would suggest that you find someone to pray with you because no one can do it alone. Have a great week and keep the faith!
Food for thought: We all have a story. If you could erase the hard parts of yours, would you?